Recently, when I was on the cusp of what turned out to be one of the darkest nights of my soul, I had a friend tell me to "be thankful in all things for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I secretly, or maybe not so secretly, chuckled under my breath. Who on earth could be thankful for these disasters that have unfolded in my life, I asked myself.
I sat there that morning in the middle of a broken marriage, financially screwed, overwhelmed by fear, struggling with my sexuality and seeing no way out. I was feeling a myriad of emotions but thankfulness was not one of them.
Its easy to depend on God for the little things, even easy to depend on Him for that one big, hard thing. But to have to depend on Him for everything? I didn't even know where to start or how to let Him in. Feeling like such a failure, I tried and tried to figure it out on my own. Frustration kicked in and soon I found myself so consumed by the devastation, that I couldn't even face the very One who could help me out of my situation. Alone and helpless, I ran. I bathed in the darkness that surrounded me. I thought it was all over.
Now that redemption is here, I see where I could've done things differently. I could have chosen to not focus so much on the problems but seek the problem solver. Knowing how much He had already done in my life should have made me more secure in the victory of the current circumstances. It would've been more productive to pray about those situations and seek His comfort than to run out of anger. I could've reminded myself that difficulties produce perseverance, to rely on His strength and to look forward to experience I would gain if I stuck it out. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Here I can be thankful for my failure. I know that I will probably be faced with similar tests. I am grateful that I have learned what not to do!! Lets pray I remember when the time comes.
These days, living in the light once again, I am determined to stir up that thankful attitude. It would be so easy to get caught up in the humdrum routine. I can hear the early morning commentary now.."nothing ever changes," "I do the same thing day in and day out," "will life ever get any better?" "Ugh, I get so tired of being tired," "Just once, I wish something would work out." "What's the point?"
Instead, I purposefully start the day out with gratitude. For instance, this morning - the craziest of all mornings, that began with me falling down the stairs, could've turned into an all out nasty mess. Rather, after I gathered my wits and nursed my groin muscles, I was grateful I that I didn't have to crawl from the base of the stairs in search of my phone to call 911 as my bone protruded out of my skin. I know, I can be a bit morbid!
We all have so much to be thankful for. Sure there are hurts and pains that need healing and grieving that must be experienced after tragedies, but we don't have to live in them perpetually. Find ten things you can be grateful for and ask God to open your eyes to the miracles in your life. I guarantee your list of gratitude will grow and grow.
Just so ya know I ain't blowing smoke up your, well... here is my list. Chances are YOU are on here!!
I am grateful for a wonderful family. Even though they are full of quirks, they love me unconditionally. And if you know ME, you know that this is a huge deal! I am grateful for loving, nurturing friends. They invest their time in me, listen to my ramblings, water those seeds that God has placed in me, laugh at my sometimes crude humor, and pray diligently for me. My children, oh they are so precious. I learn so much from them. I enjoy every moment we grow together. They are silly, pugnacious, and curious. They remind me what its like to be a kid and help me strive to become that again. They aggrevate the snot out of me and even this has become a joy. I am grateful I have a roof over my head, a job that allows me to hang out with the most awesomest people alive. Yes, they aggrevate the snot out of me too! I have food, I have transportation, actually, I have it better than 2/3 of the world's population. This list could go on and on.
Now I understand this verse:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Philippian 4:8,9
Focusing on the good things will keep me so busy, I won't have time to think of anything less. Life is good! God is good! And as my friend Pat would say "Always!"
No comments:
Post a Comment