Ok nothing heavy here tonight. I just simply felt like writing, needing some sort of release. My life topic for the week has been the sufferings of Jesus and quite frankly, that's not anything I want to write about! However its an important topic, so maybe one day.
So I spent a good deal of time the other night reading some blogs I had written over 6 years or so ago. They were funny, blunt, over the top, and some quite lewd. But they were definitely Tonya! With each post I was thinking how much I have changed over the years. Some of the changes are very welcomed! But I can say that I honestly miss some of that part of me. She was unabashed, unscathed by the opinions of others. She was able to express herself freely, confidently. She didn't hide behind this pious persona. What happened?
Religion happened.
Years of pumping theology into my veins robbed me of myself.
Everyone says enjoy the journey. Have they forgotten that the journey often involves stumbling, skinned knees, mouths full of feet, and faceplants? Speak a word out of place, believe a slightly different doctrine, or speak your mind and suddenly you are delievered into your handbasket headed straight for hell.
Look, I said this was gonna be light! I said to myself when I started writing that I wouldn't mention Jesus, or church or anything of the sort. Impossible! Why do you consume me so?
Relationship happened (again)!
Here's to reclaiming the salvaged land of my heart. I'm taking back what the ordinance enforcers tried to steal. I'm finding freedom to be me, warts and all, and I have big russian Ulga warts with coarse, black hairs curling out of them!
I know I'll probably never fit in with the crowd (never have). I can't look the part, I tried, God knows I tried. And He knows that I absolutely refuse to ever awkwardly force myself into another dress! Besides, Jesus didn't wear pumps and wasn't it the devil who wore Prada?!
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