This post is so appropriate for today's holiday. After all, while we celebrate the men and women who serve our country, we are ultimately celebrating what their contribution has bought. Freedom.
This post celebrates my own liberation that became as clear as day to me as I soaked up the sun along a sandy beach earlier. I'll admit, this weekend could've been very difficult if I had chosen to dwell on the fact that this would've been my 3 year wedding anniversary. Its been a fleeting thought but I refuse to let it take root. Whoo hoo! Tonya 1, Sorrow 0!
Today as I laid there I noticed that I did not even once feel insecure. Usually, I would make sure to suck in, always using proper posture as to make the right parts look right! Instead, I just plopped it all out, bam... I wasn't there to impress, but to decompress. And it felt good. Real good.
I was able to relax!!! I didn't fear any disasters that would crop up while I was away. As a matter of fact, I was even able to tuck the phone away on silent!! That's a breakthrough right there! For those few hours it was just me and my girls, resting in God's glorious creation, completely oblivious to demands or duties. I repeated to myself more than once how I'd like to live continuously like that. Constantly at rest inwardly even while engaging the world in normal day to day activity. I do believe its possible, actually I believe its a promise. I want to see that come to reality. I'm getting closer every day.
Last but not least, I was able to be completely present with my girls. My mind didn't flit back and forth between the past and the future. Their laughter played like a song in my ear, one that is often drowned out by thought after thought after thought. How exhausting! Today I noticed everything. Raven's curls as they tickled her face, flirting with those oversized diva sunglasses she insisted on wearing. At one point she chose to read a book. I'm thinking what kid reads at the beach? My kid, that's who!!! I find her curiosity fascinating. And Lovely, oh lovely. She comes out with both barrels, ready to wrangle the sea. A true grit kinda girl. Fearless. Fabulous.
This is my freedom. I am so grateful! Sure its not easy sometimes, it can be quite a fight. But I thank God for teaching how to fight and that I'm worthy of the fight. Oh crap I see Mel Gibson's face now FREEEDDOOOOMM! Free from myself, or my old self, who never knew myself, therefore could never be myself...does that make sense at all? Who cares! Happy Memorial Day!!!
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